Have you ever wondered what it takes to be a real man? I had. Until the day when I heard my friend Daniel give his speech “Clarity”. After that, I didn’t have to wonder anymore. I knew.
I found his speech so damn good that I thought he should share it with the world.
Here it is.
by Daniel Samol
One of these nights I am running to a bus stop. I am on a mission. There is a girl there. I like her and want to take her out on a date. When I arrive, the conditions appear to be less than favorable. She appears to be tired, annoyed, and perhaps in need of a toilet. With headphones in her ears. Surrounded by noisy football fans.
At this point I have two options. Play it cool and say something like “Hi, how are you, just came to say hi.” Or be completely clear about my intentions.
The decision was easy. I had experienced and analyzed such situations before.
Ladies, how many of you ever had to deal with a guy who suffered from the lack of clarity in dating situations? The kind that hovers around for days before he finally asks you out for a lunch. He does not say why, so you guess: Lunch is usually reserved for business so he probably wants to discuss some business idea. He seems harmless. You do not want to be rude. So you accept.
When you get to the restaurant, it is not bad. The place is nice. The chairs are really comfortable. They even have those new cool desserts you read about on a food blog. You can really imagine talking business in a restaurant like that. Ten minutes into the conversation you still have no idea why Harmless asked you out. Later he starts asking all kinds of personal questions about your childhood, dreams and hopes and then it hits you – you are on a date. Most probably.
This is not what you agreed to. You can’t suffer this lack of clarity any more so you ask: “Why are we here, why have you invited me here?” To which he replies something like “You know, I read it in a self-help book somewhere that it is good to meet interesting people to increase my social circle so I put together a list of interesting people and you are on that list.”
Gentlemen, have you ever been that guy? Trying to pick up a girl and hiding this fact from her. I have. Ever wondered what went wrong there? I have. And I have the answers for you.
First, a girl likes to feel special. If you cannot bring yourself to admit that you like her, she is not going to feel special.
Second, nothing shows that you are a coward better than a lack of clarity. If the guy in the story, we can call him Daniel, had any courage, he would have responded to the “why are we here question” by saying something like “look, I am sorry I have not been clear about this. I invited you here because I like you and I want to get to know you better.” By that Daniel would have communicated “I am comfortable with my feelings and I trust you. Everything is going to be alright.” But he didn’t. Instead, he communicated: “I am scared, I don’t trust you.”
Knowing the above, the bus stop decision was easy. I said “Lotte” in a loud voice. She took out her earphones and said “Jesus, it is you.” Stirred but not shaken, I continued with absolute clarity. “Lotte, I like you. I want to take you out for a date to get to know you better. Are you up for it?”
Then I looked into her eyes and I felt it right here.
Clarity is the answer.
Who is Daniel Samol
Attorney at Law. President of Prague’s Elite Speaking Club Prague Business Toastmasters. One of my favorite thinkers.
A man who speaks with clarity.